My return flight was scheduled to leave Rexburg, Idaho (Don’t bother looking for it on a map, you’ll waste time.. and a map) at 8:30PM. But since we don’t live in a fantasy land, and there is no such thing as an “On Time” departure, we left the runway at 945PM.

I boarded the plane and found that I was assigned a fantastic seat adjacent to the world’s unhappiest infant. I luckily had my MacBook with me so I watched The Hangover. Although instead of hearing the audio that usually accompanies the film, I was forced to listen to a high-pitched screaming youngster the entire movie. It was almost like watching the movie with the Director’s Commentary enabled, but instead of insightful information from the director about the current scene, you get uninterpretable and relentless tones of panic.

The plane finally lands.

My favorite part of a flight is that moment when you’ve taxied to the gate and the flight attendant announces that it’s safe to turn on all cellular telephones. EVERYONE on that plane grabs the cell phone from their pocket, yanks it from a purse, tears it out of their carry-on and turns it on as quick as humanly possible. Staring expectantly; hands shaking nervously as if they may have missed a call from the president, ordering them to launch the GO-codes. (You got a text message from your mom. Congrats.)

I begin the trek to my car all the while thinking what an idiot I am for parking on level 5F. Pulling up to the long-term parking exit I see the sign with the parking rates. I try to do the math. I give up. I pull forward. After handing her my ticket that I miraculously held onto for an entire weekend, she calmly announces, “$50.”

I calculated the probability that they changed my oil, washed my car, and rotated my tires while I was gone, but quickly realized that McCarren Airport just hustled me. I grudgingly handed her the money with a sarcastic smile on my face and she returned, “I like you’re shirt.”

“It’s lavender.”

I should have my head examined (I have an appointment).

Horrible weather, miniscule population, and lack of entertainment aside; I miss all my friends like crazy; All the people I went to BYU with, worked with in Idaho Falls, etc.

I’ll be gone Thursday night through Sunday night. I need to wake up in a few hours to go shopping for some Antarctica-proof-clothing in hope that they might slow down the freezing of my vital organs. I want myself the best possible chance of survival.

I might even try to post while I’m up there since I’m taking my MacBook with me (I’m banking on Rexburg still having electricity).

I like it.

I don’t really have anything to say.

p.s. stands for “post script.”

Since I don’t watch the news on a regular basis or read the newspaper (those do still exist right?) — I wasn’t aware of anything the president has done to follow through on his endless promises of change during his celebrity-like “campaign” for the prez. Coincidently enough I read an email today listing a few of his mediocre accomplishments thus far.

Keep in mind I never fact-check and I don’t plan on starting now. So if you know any of the following aren’t true, feel free to let me know. I’m pretty sure at least some of it has to be right-wing bias, but chances are most of it is not completely fabricated.

—

1. Offended the Queen of England.

2. Bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia.

3. Praised the Marxist Daniel Ortega.

4. Kissed Socialist Hugo Chavez on the cheek.

5. Endorsed the Socialist Evo Morales ofBolivia.

6. Sided with Hugo Chavez and Communist Fidel Castro against Honduras.

7. Announced we would meet with Iranians with no pre-conditions while they’re building their nuclear weapons.

8. Gave away billions to AIG also without pre-conditions.

9. Expanded the bailouts.

10. Insulted everyone who has ever loved a Special Olympian.

11. Doubled our national debt.

12. Announced the termination of our new missile defense system the day after North Korea launched an ICBM.

13. Released information on U.S. Intelligence gathering despite urgings of his own CIA director and the prior four CIA directors.

14. Accepted without comment that five of his cabinet members cheated on their taxes and two other nominees withdrew after they couldn’t take the heat.

15. Appointed a Homeland Security Chief who identified military veterans and abortion opponents as “dangers to the nation.”

16. Ordered that the word “terrorism” no longer be used and instead refers to such acts as “man made disasters.”

17. Circled the globe to publicly apologize for America’s world leadership.

18. Told the Mexican president that the violence in their country was because of us.

19. Politicized the census by moving it into the White House from the Department of Commerce.

20. Appointed as Attorney General the man who orchestrated the forced removal and expulsion to Cuba of a 9-year-old whose mother died trying to bring him to freedom in the United States.

21. Salutes as heroes three Navy SEALS who took down three terrorists who threatened one American life and the next day announces members of the Bush administration may stand trial for “torturing” three 9/11 terrorists by pouring water up their noses.

22. Low altitude photo shoot of Air Force One over New York City that frightened thousands of New Yorkers.

23. Sent his National Defense Advisor toEurope to assure them that the US will no longer treat Israel in a special manner and they might be on their own with the Muslims.

24. Praised Jimmy Carter’s trip to Gazawhere he sided with terrorist Hamas againstIsrael.

25. Nationalized General Motors and Chrysler while turning shareholder control over to the unions and freezing out retired investors who owned their bonds. Committed unlimited taxpayer billions in the process.

26. Passed a huge energy tax in the House that will make American industry even less competitive while costing homeowners thousands per year.

27. Announced nationalized health care “reform” that will strip seniors of their Medicare, cut pay of physicians, increase taxes yet another $1 trillion, and put everyone on rationed care with government bureaucrats deciding who gets care and who doesn’t.

—

Now before all of you liberals attack me for posting this — chill. It was between an in-depth look into the risk versus reward ratio of walking through a Wal-mart parking lot [at night], or this underdeveloped piece of anti-Obama propaganda.

I chose the latter and I’m sorry. It was a lose-lose situation.

Bloggers, Pundits, and the majority of news outlets are calling Kanye’s stunt inappropriate, rude, insulting, and ill-advised.

The media is being way too lenient, in effort to avoid appearing racist in their remarks. I, on the other hand don’t recognize those boundaries. The man is a moron of monumental proportions. He has the class a of a cockroach, and half intelligence of a doorstop.

Kanye West is fool.

My outlook on life in general will never be the same. Anyone who argues PC over Mac should have the head examined. Seriously. The glorious LED screen, backlit keyboard, unparalleled hardware compatibility, and last but far from least, Snow Leopard’s gorgeous interface.

You can now find my once “top-of-the-line” desktop PC in its rightful place; storage.

Chances are some (most) of you are now realizing for the first time that I’m a nerd of drastic proportions. You’re right. Unfortunately the chances are also quite high that I don’t place enormous value on your opinion. (Sorry)

Anyway, the main point of this post wasn’t to tell you how awesome my new MacBook is, (It’s pretty awesome) but to announce that I will be blogging again on a “regular” basis.

Good news for some, bad for most.

I was prompted to nominate this month’s candidate after watching Marley and Me four times and crying each time like a teenage girl at a Hannah Montana concert. This month’s “winner” isn’t being recognized for his recent under-achievements; his idiocy was proven far before this month even. I’m actually surprised I didn’t realize how significant his actions were until seeing how amazing Jennifer Aniston still looks at age 41! Although I do admire his impressive career in film, I think you would have to be a very small step from being declared legally retarded to leave Jennifer for Angelina Jolie. And the Loser is.. (Do a drum roll on your desk.. unless you around other people) — Brad Pitt.

Dear Mr. Pitt,

Really? You traded one of the most beautiful women alive (second only to Tina Fey) for a wife that has lips the size of beanbag chairs that must pose as a very serious suffocation risk. Jolie is a mediocre actress at best, she has the face of a much older woman, and (I would imagine) the personality of a goldfish. You are now stuck with like 30 kids, most of which aren’t even yours! (I didn’t check the exact number of adopted children, and instead of reading Us Weekly to find out, I just continued living my life.) She was once married to Billy Bob Thornton, enough said.

Congrats. Way to think it through Mr. Pitt.

(p.s. you were hilarious in Burn After Reading)

Big Hollywood studios think that their socialistic copyrights are more important than our right to share and distribute information.

As many people close to me know I’m a fan of lists and I’m not against numbering them. So tonight I’m going make a concise list of my top 10 concerns for the current month. (I’m leaving out my feelings on “Valentine’s Day” on account that I currenty don’t recognize it as a legitimate holiday.)

*In no particular order, the numbers just make it look organized*

1. The girl who has always cut my hair (I won’t name names but it rhymes with Rebecca) will soon be having a baby and I will be forced to either grow out my hair or trust a stranger with ‘the money maker’ aka my face. I’m thinking dreads might be the way to go.

2. School sucks and there is too much of it left before I’m an RPH.

3. I’m not sure if I can wait until the summer for the new season of Entourage to start.

4. The Lakers need to make it to the Finals and win or I’ll kill a kitten. That’s a promise.

5. Why does Tyra still have her own show?

6. The Tiffany ring I bought only fits on my wedding finger, causing drastic drop in random girls flirting with me in public.

7. I bought a new notebook, it’s incredibly small, fast, and sexy. (Ok that’s not really a concern, I’m just excited.)

8. I bought a new iphone off ebay, and I’m hoping its the right firmware so I can unlock it and use with my T-mobile service.

9. Obama is president.

10. I can’t find my favorite pair of 7 jeans. I’m beginning to get worried.

I could think of 90 more, but I’ll spare you.

Sidenote: I could be wrong but I think the average bowling league plays more regular season meets(?) than a professional football player.